I am a masturbator — a chronic masturbator. I am incurably addicted to the unnaturally strong sexual gratifications a male achieves only through practiced self-stimulation. I am married and heterosexual, but my fundamental sexual orientation has become autoerotic. Masturbation has become my only mode of sexual expression; animates my erotic fantasies with bizarre and extreme scenarios; consumes my time with reading and writing about it; and drives me to personally connect with fellow male onanists.

But along with the indescribably delicious rapture experienced during extended masturbation, I feel conflict and anxiety about my habit. I must admit to myself that the pleasure comes at a cost in time, accomplishments, and relationships. I often feel that I do it “too much”, neglecting responsibilities and ambitions; from time to time try to stop or cut back, but always fall back into unrestrained self-indulgence. The sense of personal enslavement and lack of self control feeds a shame response, which has become eroticized over time and is now inseparable from the act of masturbation and only stimulates me to greater excess. To borrow a phase, “I am ashamed because I masturbate, and I masturbate because I am ashamed.”

See more about me and Onania . Org/asm at http://onania.org/asm/about